“The hardest thing to see , is what’s in front of your eyes.”

(detail from original oil painting by Catherine Massaro)

I wished for love – I have been loved.

I wished for money – it came and went.

I wished for a car – it was freedom!

I wished for long hair – then cut it all off.

I wished for a job – I got a paycheck.

I wished for a warm winter – I still do.

I wished for excitement – and found it.

I wished for a divorce – and got it.

I wished for peace of mind – daily.

I wished for wonder – and it surrounds me.

I wished for escape – and learned how to leave.

I wished for a studio – dreams come true.

I wished for New Mexico – days of heaven.

I wished for connections – where is my tribe?

I wished for friends – they give me joy.

I wished for a road trip – to never end.

I wished for my youth – and I got a grandchild.

I wished for a good nights sleep – and to die peacefully in it. 

I wished for art school – where I found myself.

I wished for a pony – but never got it.

I wished for my period – most of the time it came.

I wished for a girl – and got a boy, with no regrets.

( see ART tab for  WHAT I WISHED FOR  canvas collage)

When you’re in your 50’s, your measuring stick for happiness finds a different mark than the one you had in your 20’s, 30’s or 40’s.  Happiness seems to come from old friends and new starts. I have recently reconnected with some  dear old friends, maintained great relationships with one’s I’ve had for years, and even lost my oldest childhood friend – and not from an untimely death. But it was a fine friendship for over 40 years and what I have to take away from it is how we were each other’s best memory keeper. It was a traumatic break for me, but I found solace in a recent editorial by Jo Packham , in her marvelous publication, Where Women Create.

“It is written that if you can name one person who is a true and trusted friend, who has endured , and is victorious through the tests of time, then you are blessed indeed… Often friendships just cannot last forever; along life’s journey, a bend in the road can separate the two of you before you realize that one of you has been left behind”.

Anyway, my life is not lacking for friendships – thank God.  I will continue to build memories with those dear enough to share good times and bad with me,  accepting  both who I am, as well as who I may become. After all, if we do not change, we are not growing. And if we are not growing, we are not really living.

I am happy to be a memory keeper along for the journey, but will keep a wary eye out for  those bends in the road.

(featured image – photograph by Catherine Massaro)